It would be really cool if this guy would finish writing this book. Handyman Home Page Although I've found it extremely helpful to my endeavors so far.

I've decided to go ahead and use the company logo (yawn) for the van. I need to show Jim that his logo really does suck and that he should have it professionally re-done. How many effective logos can you think of that use 5 colors and 5 different fonts? Also, a wood handled hammer is so blase.

Advertising is key in this business. I am going to call the Observer to see what kind of regional (ZIP targeted) media they have. I need something that targets south Charlotte in particular.

I did get a call from Dave Ham for some under-deck improvements. Thank you Shannon for the referral!

GRAND OPENING WEEK

This week is the official grand opening of Classic Handyman Charlotte. I am still working the kinks out of the advertising. It seems like nobody wants to put stickers on my van!

On the other hand, USPS is doing great in the Tour so far!

My own triathlon training could be better. My sleep hours are too irregular along with my eating.

[ Thu Apr 10, 10:45:35 AM | Eric Banks | edit ]
BIKE LESSON #2

Michael E crashed hard on Saturday morning. Now he needs the following: New helmet, new shoes, new fork, new shorts, new jersey, and new skin on his back. It's amazing how much momentum a 150 lb body has at 30 mph. I mean that from the standpoint of just how much friction is required to stop such a body in motion. I am sure the dog he hit won't be chasing any more bikes for awhile.
[ Fri Apr 04, 07:43:59 AM | Eric Banks | edit ]
BIKE LESSON #1 (From two days ago.)

I almost crashed my bike this afternoon. I was coming down a hill in Percy Warner Park (by the driving range) and was going faster than I realized. Today's lesson is "Always pay attention to the road when speeding at 35 mph down an unfamiliar hill." You never know when the road is going to turn suddenly and it is surprising how long it takes to stop a bike (probably due to the tiny brake pads and tire contact patches.) I remember thinking (as my front tire left the pavement) that "This is going to hurt." Luckily I rolled through some gravel and into some high grass without a lot of ruts. I was able to stay upright and finally stop. It was reminiscent of Jan Ullrich's off-road excursion while racing Lance Armstrong in the TdF of 2001, except he rode off the side of a mountain at 40+ mph.

[ Fri Apr 04, 07:31:48 AM | Eric Banks | edit ]
Ran 5 miles last night. My lower legs are really sore. I wonder if the my new Asics 2080's are to blame? I have also been running harder though. I am going to switch back to the Nike Air Max's and ease up a bit to see if the pain eases.

JT park triathlon is coming up on May 3. I still need to lose about 10 lbs so that I won't be humiliated by Andy. I have a brick bike/run on Saturday I am looking forward to. Except for biking alone. I feel much safer in a group but my plane doesn't get into Charlotte until about 10 am. Everyone has usually gone by then.
[ Thu Apr 03, 03:21:31 PM | Eric Banks | edit ]
Well this is my first post to my new Triathlon-only blog. Yippee!

CLASSIC HANDYMAN CHARLOTTE DEPLOYMENT

The office location saga continues. I need to find a space for the business. The dilemma is choosing between retail space in a great location and office space in a not-so-great location. I cannot find any precedent to justify placing a handyman business in a retail strip mall. There seem to be a lot of benefits such as:
1. Spillover traffic
2. Proximity to the home center
3. Visibility to potential customers and employees
4. Amenities for employees (neighboring restaurants, etc.)

But the handyman business is a business of taking care of a home's to-do lists. It is more than repair and maintenance of one singular small job. The opportunity is to provide comprehensive home management services, a services portfolio if you will. Also, the nature of the office functions are:
1. Job dispatch center
2. Planning/scheduling center
3. Small workshop
4. Minimal inventory
5. Disposal of removed/replaced items.
6. Personnel interviewing and training

So, the question remains "Is there a tangible benefit from location in a retail strip center?" Also, "What are the drawbacks to location in a strip mall?"

The drawbacks include:
1. Cost ($1500/month)
2. Having to configure space that was set up for a product delivery business.
3. No covered vehicle parking.
4. Problems disposing of waste
5. Possible noise to the neighbors
6. Distractions

CLASSIC HANDYMAN CHARLOTTE

I spent today with a commercial real estate broker checking out properties from uptown to Pineville. Couldn't really find the right combination of facility with good frontage. The best place I found was in a bad part of town where I will get no walk-ins. But it was cheapest ($750) and allowed a sign with frontage on I-77. Still, I think I need some kind of warehouse space in a better part of town. Today I will look down in Pineville near Hebron Road.

JOHN TANNER SPRINT TRIATHLON RESULTS

I did the JT sprint tri as a kind of warmup race before the big one (Blackwater Eagleman) on 6/8/03. My results were not very impressive. Basically, I blew it on all 3 segments, but especially on the run. My run pace was 9:01 although I know it was about 8:36 on the first, flat, mile. So the last two miles were even worse. I probably lost about a good minute getting into my bike shoes, which I had clipped onto my pedals. I actually had to stop after leaving the transition area, unclip, put the shoes on, then clip back in. The swim was crowded and I could never really get into a rhythm because I kept running into bodies. The bike course was hilly and I really felt the pounds I haven't lost yet. All in all it was a mediocre performance at best but I know what I need to work on for Blackwater.

GEMS FROM MASH

"I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to hose lucky few who just happen to get shot." ....Frank Burns

"Frank, it's after six, you can stop being snotty!" Henry Blake

"We all know it's brutal up there at the front, especially those of us at the rear" Frank Burns

"You've gotta understand I'm not working on sick people here. I'm working on hurt young people, with essentially healthy bodies that have been insulted by ammunition." BJ

"I'm a life long Anglophile. England is still the only place I know where any young man can grow up to be the Queen." Hawkeye

"I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son, and he dresses a lot like my wife." Col. Potter

"I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions" Hawkeye

MY RESPONSE TO "ONE COUNTRY SHOULD NOT GO AGAINST WORLD OPINION AND INVADE ANOTHER ONE"

The ideal situation would be for the world body (UN or whomever succeeds them) to enforce their own resolutions. Then one country will not have to
take matters into their own hands. The reality is that other interests, primarily economics, dictate political policy. That reality is why we will
not intervene in Zimbabwe. The other reality is that dictatorships, as a form of government, actually function well from an economic standpoint.
That is another argument, however.

The so-called "pacifists" are great at identifying dictators around the world. They are great at convening, complaining, and issuing edicts and
sanctions. They are terrible at enforcement. Sanctions do not work because smugglers always find ways around them. I saw a looter driving a brand new
Iraqi Government BMW 730i in Baghdad yesterday. Danke Schoen!

Accusing George Bush of being an idiot may make for good jokes, but be serious. He does not act alone any more than Saddam would. He is the point
man for a circle of advisors and policy-makers that truly set the course for US policy. Bush is more like the CEO of a company. He is the 1st US
President with a business degree (MBA) as opposed to a legal background. He runs the country like a business. He filled the key positions with
competent people (Cheney, Bush, Rice) and trusts them to do what is right. He demands loyalty and professionalism.

The fact that there may not be actual WMD's in Iraq is completely irrelevant. The vision of our leaders is one of a democratic Middle East.
How we get there may be questionable, debatable, or whatever. However, history will be the judge. What he can't ask is for people to try and use
long-term perspectives on this issue. Because the vast majority of people can't conceptualize the big picture. They say things like "It's for oil" or
"It's for revenge" and that is fine. It is pointless to debate such arguments. Some say FDR let Pearl Harbor happen so that the US would
finally get involved with WWII. A decision like that is "bigger than us." I believe that our leaders, inspired by September 11, are doing something
over there that is again "bigger than us" and that history will show it was the right thing to do.

Here are links to lots and lots of war-blogs. Many are from embedded journalists. It is amazing that all of these front-line reports can convey such a full sense of what is going on. This is in contrast to all the filtered network news reports we can only get on TV.CyberJournalist.net: Iraq Conflict Coverage Weblog -- Great Work Gallery

The Marines have opened up the assault on Saddam Airport. They drove down Saddam Blvd, through the Saddam Gates, past Saddam Stadium, turned left at Saddam Memorial Park, and there it was. Saddam, we like ourselves a little bit much don't we?

BIKE LESSON #1

I almost crashed my bike this afternoon. I was coming down a hill in Percy Warner Park (by the driving range) and was going faster than I realized. Today's lesson is "Always pay attention to the road when speeding at 35 mph down an unfamiliar hill." You never know when the road is going to turn suddenly and it is surprising how long it takes to stop a bike (probably due to the tiny brake pads and tire contact patches.) I remember thinking (as my front tire left the pavement) that "This is going to hurt." Luckily I rolled through some gravel and into some high grass without a lot of ruts. I was able to stay upright and finally stop. It was reminiscent of Jan Ullrich's off-road excursion while racing Lance Armstrong in the TdF of 2001, except he rode off the side of a mountain at 40+ mph.

APRIL FOOL?

I got an email this morning saying drafting is going to be legal at the Hawaii Ironman. Is this an April Fool's joke?

I almost stepped on a snake here in TN last week. I forgot to research what kind it was until now but I think it is a non-venomous TN water snake. Let me just tell you that trying to ID a snake is not real easy.

FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES (PART II)

This is classic: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." – Donald Rumsfeld

From NewsMax.com

AT LAST, A GOOD IDEA FROM THE IRAQIS

The Iraqi "leadership" has decided to encourage suicide bombers as one of their last desperate methods to lash out at people who want to liberate them. Wow. Why didn't we think of encouraging them to do this before? I hope a lot of their soldiers decide to take that way out. It will save us some ammo.

This is classic: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." – Donald Rumsfeld

BACK ON THE HOME FRONT

Daily now we are hearing interviews with families of soldiers killed in action in Iraq. Newspapers are publishing their obituaries in the main section as well. Though heart-wrenching, I think it is important to keep these reports coming. No matter how just, the horrors of war must not be trivialized and forgotten. I only hope our politicians are taking heed of these reports and are as affected by them as I am.

"War is a continuation of Diplomacy by other means." I did not really understand that sentiment until I started tracking geo-political relations in the middle 1990's. War is also not supposed to be an abandonment of rules and guidelines. Wars should be waged according to rules of engagement. Wars are conflicts between governments, not people. When enemy governments like in Vietnam or now Iraq use their own people as combatants, hide military equipment amongst civilians, and commit atrocities to POWS they are showing a complete disregard not only for life but for behaving in a reasonable manner.

FROM THE FRONT

It is amazing to think that soldier's on the front line can instantly report back to friends, relatives, and complete strangers about their experiences.LT SMASH

Day 8 of the war and I am worried that things are going to get much worse for the "coalition" in the near future. The Iraqi's have turned to guerilla tactics, mainly inter-mingling with civilians. How does a conventional army counter such tactics and still play by the "rules of war." Like in Vietnam, how do you fight an enemy that does not play by the rules? How do you protect the civilians while rooting out the combatants? Tough, tough, tough.

51% of Americans believe Saddam Hussein was responsible for the 9/11/01 attacks. Simply amazing. Yahoo! News - THE MORON MAJORITY

SHADES OF "THE ABYSS"

What if the massive sandstorm affecting Kuwait right now is the work of peace-loving extraterrestrials? What if they have been waiting for the prime opportunity to reveal themselves and have realized that showing themselves right now, when the US is on the brink of war, is the only thing that will avert the war. What if that happened? It would usher in a new era for civilization, history, etc. and make us forget about our petty squabbles. As I ponder that scenario I also can't help but wonder what them aliens might taste like? If its chicken I will just flip out!

DID YOU KNOW?
Sixty-seven percent of Americans eat everything on their plates, no matter how much is on it.
-American Institute for Cancer Research

WAR PREPARATIONS UPDATE

The US continues to try and build diplomatic backing for the upcoming war for peace. Yesterday, France rejected a proposal floated by the British even before the Iraqis rejected it. The latest prediction is that the official war will start on the 17th or a week later. On a comical note, the US "Human Shields" who went to Baghdad came home. It turns out that the Iraqis wanted to place them at military installations. The "Shields" thought they could hang out at hospitals or apartment buildings. So let that be a lesson to you....always read the fine print on job applications!

I was working diligently at my cube desk (I work in Dilbert Hell.) A couple of people were waiting for somebody just outside my cube. They noticed a site location plot I have up on my wall. They were discussing how great it would be if they had one. I pretended to ignore them. When they couldn't resist any longer they interrupted me to ask if they could get a copy of my plot. I responded "Who are you people?" Being blunt is great and it certainly takes people by surprise but I don't think it has the effect I want it to. I want people to realize how rude it is not to introduce themselves and explain why they want something before just coming out and asking for it. Especially proprietary information. It turns out they are with a maintenance company that is going to be bidding on a contract with Verizon. I told them no way they are going to get a copy of my map.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

In this world of high speed internet, high resolution videos, and mobile blogging, How come security camera videos still look so horrible? Everytime they show security video from a bank or convenience store robbery I can barely make out the outlines of the people through all the grainy static. What is the deal?

LIFE IN CHARLOTTE

I know Charlotte is a small town. But I just passed a traffic accident at the intersection of Providence Road and Eastover Road and the Mayor (Pat McCrory) was helping out. I didn't realize the budget cuts were so deep!

I drove in yesterday from Nashville. I got here at 10:30 pm after leaving at 2:23 pm local time. I actually saw the sun over Knoxville, TN. I think the last time I saw the sun in the last few months was either in a movie or history book.

I am very upset with whichever Armstrong is responsible for their "trial separation." The story is that Lance's triumph over cancer and his TdF victories were with Kristin's help. Where have our heroes gone?

Saddam said he would rather die than abdicate his "throne." Correct me if I'm wrong, but is Saddam just now realizing that is the whole point? That we want him D-E-A-D?

Write to your Congressman ASAP if you want to keep the wholesome sport of model rocketry alive! Yahoo! News - Explosive Regulations Threaten to Kill Model Rocketry

Dave has some hilarious things to say about Evan, Zora and Nora. Dave Barry's Blog (When he fell asleep it was Norah 48, Oakland 21.)

I am publishing this link as a service to my fellow man. Stop Alien Abductions

I never even knew Octopi liked to eat shrimp! CNN.com - Octopus gets in a twist over shrimp - Feb. 24, 2003

LIFE IN NASHVILLE

Hey what a surprise, it is snowing again in Nashville. This morning a guy driving a Camaro on I-65 starting spinning a few cars in front of me and ended up sideways across two lanes of the interstate. It is always amazing how sometimes people can avoid accidents on an interstate while other people run into parked cars, walls, and other immobile objects.

COOL STUFF MY FRIENDS HAVE DONE

From Andy: "I ate a scrambled egg on garlic toast on the island of Bali. I tried to "date" some local girl but she wanted to get married. Once I bought a sari for some hot chick in Indonesia and I think that we were engaged."

From Praveen: "I did a 20 miles uphill ride from Katmandu to a place called dakshinkalli, they have a temple there where people still do animal
sacrifices."

MISCELLANEOUS
What's going on? Well, I spent the weekend in Nashville, I think it was the second time this year. It was pretty uneventful, just did a lot of introspection. The weather was, in a nutshell, frustrating. It rained all morning Saturday but the temperature was 65 degrees. I decided to escape the rain and catch a movie (Daredevil.) When I exited the movie, it was 45 degrees and still raining. A few hours later it started snowing. Sunday morning, a layer of wet frozen snow was everywhere.

I have a prediction for today. A big fat guy I know tells me every couple of weeks that "I am going to start working out today." Well today is supposed to be one of his starting days. I predict he is going to instead eat a huge plate of cheese fries and watch TV.

The Grammy Awards were on TV last night. Watching award shows is probably just a notch higher than watching "Fear Factor" but I wanted to see a few of the performances. I thought Faith Hill was going to fall apart during her performance of "Cry." Not to mention that her outfit pretty much left nothing to the imagination. Bruce Springsteen hollered his way through "The Rising" which was pretty good. Norah Jones pretty much cleaned up as far as awards go. What was really interesting is all of the highly talented young people making a mark nowadays. John Mayer (16) is an awesome fingerstyle guitarist! Vanessa Carlton is a classically trained pianist. Michelle Branch (19) has a compelling voice and the talent to produce a lot of collaborative hits. Even Eminem, though not my taste, is pretty talented.

Let's see, as of today:

1. 85 people died in a nightclub fire when a pyrotechnic display ignited some flammable insulation. The club had no sprinkler system.
2. Some teachers in Africa were stoned to death.
3. Blood supplies here in TN are at an emergency level.
4. Several burned factory workers desperately need blood at Vanderbilt Medical Center.
5. The US wants to enforce the UN resolutions ordering Iraq to disarm but ignore the ones about Israel vacating occupied land. We also want to dismiss the opinions of the four other permanent members of the security council.
6. The record snowfall in the northeast may melt into a disastrous flood.
7. The best hospital in the country transplanted a heart and lungs with the wrong blood type into a girl. Now she has brain damage.
8. A number of folks were trampled in a nightclub in Chicago.
9. We still don't know why the space shuttle broke up on re-entry.
10. Evan and Zora are apparently on the outs.

Where is my .38?

OK I can ftp pictures to my real site. Here is proof

QUESTION DU JOUR:

I was unable to find a table at the neighborhood Caribou Coffee this morning because every table was occupied by a student of some sort or another. Where did people study before there were coffee shops?

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS A JOKE! (JEEZ ALREADY)
"Saudi Arabian police arrested seven teenage boys for leering at women. In accordance with Saudi law, the boys will be whipped and the women will be stoned to death." ----Tina Fey

NEWS OF THE DAY: Looks like we are a couple of weeks from war. Let's just get it over with. I hope that the Chinese or North Koreans don't decide to attack anyone while we're focused on Iraq. I guess if they were planning anything we would have heard about it by now.

SPACE SHUTTLE COLUMBIA MOURNING: This is an excerpt from the NASA Columbia Condolences book:

"The greatest heroes are those who ride the leading edge of technology, often at great peril, to pave the way for the advancement of humanity. The crew of STS-107 are among the greatest of heroes. May their sacrifice be transformed into a beacon of hope for all -- that we may continue to learn from our mistakes and carry on our mission of discovery. And even beyond discovery, these heroes served an even greater goal - the unity of humankind. For it has been said that, from space, one can see no political borders -- from that vantage, we are not residents of any one country, rather, we are residents of Planet Earth. Your family members, as discoverers and uniters, are indeed the greatest of heroes. They will be missed."

WORKOUT LAND: I did a 6 mile track workout last night in 35 degree weather. Know what I am sick of? Getting all tired and sweaty but still having frozen fingers and toes. I am also tired of working out by myself. I've been training since August by myself which violates the common rule of "find a training partner." Everyone in the office here in Nashville is big, fat, lazy, and full of excuses. The funniest thing is that most of the fat people claim they cannot run due to bad knees or ankles. How come none of our President's or fit celebrities have bad knees or ankles? Even most ex-NFL players still run to stay in shape. I believe it is easier to sit around and pretend you can't run than to lace up your shoes and get out there. I never ran more than a mile in my life until I was 32. Then, at 36 I ran a marathon (well, jogged it really.)

My parents have a treadmill in their basement. When my uncle, a runner, saw it for the first time he was incredulous (my paren't live on a long, tree-lined quiet street with few cars, perfect for running.) He kept saying "Thank God for our treadmill. The roads here are so bad!" They don't even use the treadmill, by the way.

TRASH TV LAND: These are some telling comments from one of Joe Millionaire's former girlfriends. Apparently his stupidity is really not an act:
"He was very eye-catching -- when he walked into a bar he caught the eye of every woman. But after you'd spend some time with him and talk to him, it was like, 'No thanks.'
"It wasn't that he was dumb, though he certainly was no intellectual. He just always said off-the-wall things in the middle of a conversation. I'd say something, and he'd come from left field with something, and that was the end of the conversation.
"He was just like he is on the show: 'What?' 'Huh?'
"He didn't say a lot. He's not a sparkling conversationalist. But anything he did say left me in a daze. He always left me feeling very empty inside."

Last night I dreamed I was in a plane crash. It was actually more like a crash landing. It was a huge jet like a 747. I thought I would be screaming uncontrollably in such a situation but instead I sat terrified in silence. I think my heart rate was about 180 though and I was breathing as if I was sprinting. When the plane finally ground to a halt and I realized I had survived, I cheered. Several of the other passengers were angered by my reaction, as if my joy at being alive was absurd. Maybe it is selfish, but I think human nature is to first be glad you are alive before verifying the welfare of complete strangers.

Regarding Iraq: The Iraqis interviewed in this mornings "man on the street" interviews keep saying a couple of common things. First, that Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction and second, that America only wants to control Iraq's oil fields. Number one, how would the everyday Iraqi know what his President has in his cache of weapons? They are not a free country! Their press is controlled by the Baath party and Saddam's son Uday even runs the major newspaper. Second, would it be so bad if we controlled their oil fields? The Saudi Arabians seem to be pretty well off. Lastly, are they implying that they like being ruled by a dictator? These "man on the street" interviews are complete BS. They remind me of Jay Leno asking college graduates what the square root of nine is....'Uh, 5?"

Lastly, I missed my run on Monday due to rain and being exhausted (I'm typically exhausted on Mondays.) So I ran 5 miles then immediately drove to the athletic center to swim. I swam an 1,800 yd workout that consisted of about 1000 yds worth of sprints. I wasn't that dizzy right afterwards but I stopped at the grocery store and suddenly felt like I was going to keel over. My countdown is 45 days until my first triathlon race of the 2003 season. I have another 16 lbs to lose.

JOE MILLIONAIRE, EPISODE 4, 3 LADIES REMAIN: "Zora really freaked me out when she told me about her dream. Maybe she's some kind of psychic or something." ...Joe Millionaire.

Where did they find Evan? They say nothing is perfect, not even a perfect idiot. I think Evan has proved that statement wrong.

We lost the space shuttle orbiter, Columbia, on Saturday morning. It is hard to capture all of the different emotions I'm experiencing over this. In many ways, it is just like the loss of the Challenger back in 1986. On another level, it is a reminder of the immensely complex precision required to launch people into orbit and bring them back safely. Reading the biographies of the astronauts reminds me of growing up as a child in the "Apollo" era when the astronauts seemed even larger than life than they do today. There is also a degree of national pride that this brings forward, especially since we are on the brink of a war to end the reign of a dictator and liberate the Iraqi people.

I cannot help but examine my own life when reading about the lives of the astronauts. These people dedicated their lives to the achievement of an ideal that most of us dismiss far too casually. The pursuit of knowledge coupled with the intense, all consuming desire to help mankind...this was the common thread of the astronauts. Doctors, pilots, engineers....the best of the best (Commander McCool was 2nd in his class at Annapolis.) They are not heroes because of the way they died, they lived heroic lives.

Thankfully, they haven't shown any celebrations from any of the more radical Arab countries. I take comfort knowing these people will never have the motivation or the drive to build a rocket, or a car, or a gun for that matter. Let them burn our flag; for that is about the only thing they can do well. They are enemies of freedom and of progress and they live to terrorize those who dare to dream. We send people to the moon, while they send their countries to the stone age. We build skyscrapers, while they scrape around in the dirt. Our schools bring dreams to life, while they imprison and suppress their dreamers.

We will mourn our heroes, then find out what went wrong and go on. Though tragedies are terrible, they always bring forth greater inspiration and energy to our dreams.

Swim 1,400 yards last night. Swimming, when I started 18 months ago, was incredibly challenging. I could barely swim a lap without stopping to catch my breath and cough up water. Now, weird as it seems, I think I might actually enjoy it. I am not good at it, but am making improvements.

A friend of mine is probably going to get a divorce soon. He is holding out hope, but how much hope is there when your wife tells your therapist she is "95% sure" she wants to get divorced? Not to mention that she's moved out the house, cleaned out the safe deposit box, and has slandered his reputation amongst their mutual friends. I would say it is time for him to cut his losses and move on. Incredibly, he is reluctant to give her the divorce because he is "concerned he will not be able to find someone else." It just amazes me how irrational people can be during times of strife.

Yesterday I rode the trainer for 45 minutes in the early morning. This morning I ran 5 miles at 5:30 am (in 33 degree weather.) I am determined to get back on my regular workout schedule. I need to lose a veritable "ton" of weight before my March 22nd indoor triathlon. I am disappointed at my massive weight gain since my marathon but I know it is only temporary. I guess I have to stop telling people Krispy Kreme donuts are on my recovery plan.

Today's Joke: "A happy childhood...is the worst possible preparation for life." ---Kinky Fiedman

Trash TV Update: Apparently Joe Millionaire's "Ms. Goody Two-Shoes" had an interesting film career prior to being a finalist on "Joe Millionaire." The funniest thing is how terrible a judge of character Evan really is.

Do you ever notice how widely different people's opinions can be about movies, restaurants, etc.? Here are my thoughts on how a big would rate a restaurant:

***** = Less than $3 per person or you don't have to pay.
**** = Less than $5 per person, buffet, no time limit.
*** = $5 - $8 buffet, or all-you-can-eat chips and salsa.
** = $5 - $8 buffet, seats may break.
* = Not a buffet

Trash TV Thoughts: Did anyone catch episode 3 of Joe Millionaire last night? Evan's commentaries are the best! Before his date with Melissa he told the camera "I am glad our date was to cook dinner together since I was really hungry." I can't believe we get to watch this for free!

Well, tonight "Joe President" is giving the State of the Union Address. I wonder if he will reveal that he is really a moron? "Boy, did I pull the wool over you guys' eyes!"

I am also curious about whether these 2003 Predictions from Wireless Week will pan out.

Here is another article about mobile phones changing the concept of society Anthropoloyg It seems like this guy has already changed Internet Cowboy

And now some interesting news items. Yahoo! News - Man Beating Dog With Gun Shoots Himself

And in case you needed a reminder of just how twisted people can be CNN.com - Toddler found chained by neck - Jan. 27, 2003

Jokes of the day:
"A Harvard Medical School Study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss." -----Tina Fey

"My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?" ----Jay Leno

Can somebody tell me what the difference is between a family reunion and a family get-together? To me, a re-union is when you have a union...and it breaks apart over time (in accordance with the 2nd law of thermodynamics) and then someone instigates the "re-unification." Germany, for example. First it was a bunch of kingdoms, and then Kaiser Wilhelm unified them which led to the 3rd Reich. After the Allies defeated it we broke it into two Germanies until the world allowed them to re-unify. I wonder if that nitwit Hitler thought of the Third Reich as one big happy family?

Anti-Americanism seems to be on the rise in Kuwait. I was there in 1993 when it was pretty safe because of the post-liberation American appreciation. I think I drove on some of the roads around Camp Doha on the weekends (I worked on the other side of the city.) This is a real shame and I hope the overwhelming majority of Kuwaitis still appreciate what we did for them.CNN.com - American shot to death in Kuwait - Jan. 21, 2003

This is a good place for those wondering why we need to attack Iraq right this minute!A Decade of Defiance and Deception

I think this is from an Op-Ed I read on Sunday (by George Will or Maureen Dowd): "I'd trust Bush with my daughter but Clinton with my job."

Hey, is that team of midgets going to try and tow something lighter that a DC-10 this week? I wish I had a team of midgets I could haul around the country having them try to tow stuff for money.

I think we all have certain phrases that capture the essence of our existence. For example, Spider-Man's is "With great power comes great responsibility."

I've been trying to summarize mine but all I've got so far is "Soda makes me gassy."

I hope that my last words are something really cool. I have this fear I am going to say something really profound, but then follow it up with something really stupid, especially if I am delirious from my pain medication.

"Now come close precious children. Remember, people won't remember the yearly things you do at Christmas. But they'll remember the Christmas things you do all year."

"Why Grandpa, that is beautiful!"

"Hey, I told you morons not to let that cat in here! Ack!"

While listening to an NPR story about the import auto manufacturing industry revitalizing lower Alabama, I realized an irony. Foreign cars (Nissan, Hyundai, Toyota) are now being assembled by people who, traditionally, would adamantly refuse to by one. I wonder if anyone has ever surveyed the employee parking lots to count up the number of rebel flag bumper stickers.

Stress is riding in the passenger seat of a car being driven by a reluctant partial-vegetarian in search of an all-night chicken shack while listening repeatedly to the soundtrack of the Indian version of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

The weather here is great! But now it's getting a little dry. It's so dry that today when I was walking through Central Park I saw a squirrel rubbing moisturizer on its nuts.
-----David Letterman, Joke of the Day Calendar

My descent into hell continues. I watched the re-run of the first two episodes of "Joe Millionaire" last night.

It snowed 7.5 inches in DT Nashville yesterday. Everything ground to a halt. It was amateur hour at its finest.

Last night I dreamed I was out searching for a cell site tower in GA. I scaled a rock wall next to the highway (the fat people with me were amazed) but ended up in the middle of a US Army civilian live-fire training exercise. I tried to stick to the ground and not get shot. I think eventually someone saw me and ceased-fire. I forgot all about finding that cell tower.

I was afraid this would happen. I avoided all reality shows for a couple years beginning with the intelligence-insulting "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and the "Survivor" series. I was so proud of my supposed "integrity" for not allowing myself to be caught up in all the reality-TV excitement. Then I caught a few minutes of the second "The Bachelor" at a friend's house and had to admit it was intriguing. Unfortunately, FOX continued to wear down my resistance with commercials for it's upcoming "joe Millionaire." My desire to see some gold-digging women get their comeuppance was too great. I caught various portions of "Joe" and now find myself hooked. I even tuned in to the final 15 minutes of "The Bachelorette" last night. All I have to say is I am so relieved Trista did not choose that jerk Rodeo-rider guy, Brook. What a complete Tool.

I just watched a 132 lb Japanese man challenge a 1089 lb Grizzly bear to a hotdog eating contest. The bear won easily. Next a team of 44 midgets are going to try and tow a DC-10 faster than an elephant.

I am so ashamed of myself.

"She is kind of uptight but she's hot so I'm going for it." ......Joe Millionaire, on his rationale for choosing one of his final five bachelorettes.

As writtern on "The Pyramid of Learning" blog, I can't wait for the final episode of Joe Millionaire where we find out if Evan is really "mentally challenged."

The other night I dreamed I was reading a black and white manuscript. I don't know what it was about but I think one of the sections was a guide to weightlifting. It had pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger demonstrating various weightlifting exercises. However, each picture was set in the middle of a bombed out city (like Berlin circa 1945.) At one point I believe I was forced to eat some of the paper, which became lodged in my throat and almost made me stop breathing.

I never have any cool dreams.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing. ------Chris Rock

Another bad thing about this whole "hunt for Osama Bin Laden" is that our authorities are now hugely distracted from the "Hunt for Sasquatch."

I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of hearing the media continuously bash those fine pillars of the community, the psychics!

CNN.com - Police may have found body in missing woman case - Jan. 10, 2003 "At a Thursday afternoon news conference, police said that despite more than 2,600 calls to a police tip line -- including 300 from psychics -- authorities have no significant leads in the Christmas Eve disappearance of the 27-year-old woman, whose child, a boy, is due February 10."

That reminds me of a Steven Wright (or George Carlin) joke: "Here's a headline you never see...'PSYCHIC WINS LOTTERY!'"

Last night was the best COPS show I have ever seen in my entire life...and I've seen a lot of COPS over the last ten or so years. I could not look away from the hyperactive, leopard-print leotard wearing, blond wig toting, 18 wheeler driver whose wallet was stolen screaming and berating the police. I don't know what the weirdest part of it all was, but the fact that he didn't seem to need to explain his outfit or his circumstances, and the cops didn't ask, was priceless.

When did James Garner start to look so horrible? They've started showing the "Rockford Files" on my hotel TV at night. I've only watched the opening sequences (Jim driving around a lot in his Camaro, posing near the corners of buildings with his Camaro, modeling his aviator sunglasses in his Camaro, driving around more in his Camaro, leaning against his Camaro, etc.) He looked like a vitalic stud! Lately though he looks like he's falling apart! What happened? I know 30 years is a long time but come on!

This is pretty heady stuff. I recently realized that there is a difference between "techies" (those geeks who know how to hook up stuff) and "tech philosophers" (those geeks who analyze and dream of ways technology can change social interaction on a global scale.) For example, check out this article Ouiki Glogs.

By the way, most of these "tech philosophers" also have their own manifesto. Honest ta God.

Someone explained it like this....there are people who read the "USS Enterprise Technical Manual" and there are those who read "I, Robot." Now it makes sense.

I saw a movie where one of the lead characters was named "Michael Bolton" (and he hated being called "Mike Bolton.") Well, I just got off the phone with one of our employees named "Eddie Brickell." I thought that was sort of funny also.

Have we attacked Iraq yet? I think we are only scant days away from the "war to promote peace and goodwill."

Actually, I read an editorial that stated more plainly than President W our reasons for obliterating Saddam's regime. If we allow Saddam to get a nuke or other WMD, he might target the Saudi oil fields. Destroying or crippling the Saudi oil machine would plunge the worldwide economy into chaos. Although our dependence on Gulf region oil is down to about 17%, I think Europe and Japan rely a lot more on it. Thus if Europe and Japan (who are major commerce partners) are in trouble, then our economy will suffer more.

Now why couldn't Dubya just say that? I find it difficult to have to de-code all of that stuff about "axis of evil" and "war for peace." Nobody wants our economy to suffer more so I am sure everyone would support a war to protect our economy. Why can't they just say "We're going to kick him out of power to make sure he never gets cocky enough to blow up them oil fields." I'd be a lot happier.

Happy New Year! The last few weeks have been very busy. Still trying to find my way back to Charlotte permanently. I feel a little like Dorothy, except her quest only took a few days.