Swim 1,400 yards last night. Swimming, when I started 18 months ago, was incredibly challenging. I could barely swim a lap without stopping to catch my breath and cough up water. Now, weird as it seems, I think I might actually enjoy it. I am not good at it, but am making improvements.

A friend of mine is probably going to get a divorce soon. He is holding out hope, but how much hope is there when your wife tells your therapist she is "95% sure" she wants to get divorced? Not to mention that she's moved out the house, cleaned out the safe deposit box, and has slandered his reputation amongst their mutual friends. I would say it is time for him to cut his losses and move on. Incredibly, he is reluctant to give her the divorce because he is "concerned he will not be able to find someone else." It just amazes me how irrational people can be during times of strife.

Yesterday I rode the trainer for 45 minutes in the early morning. This morning I ran 5 miles at 5:30 am (in 33 degree weather.) I am determined to get back on my regular workout schedule. I need to lose a veritable "ton" of weight before my March 22nd indoor triathlon. I am disappointed at my massive weight gain since my marathon but I know it is only temporary. I guess I have to stop telling people Krispy Kreme donuts are on my recovery plan.

Today's Joke: "A happy childhood...is the worst possible preparation for life." ---Kinky Fiedman

Trash TV Update: Apparently Joe Millionaire's "Ms. Goody Two-Shoes" had an interesting film career prior to being a finalist on "Joe Millionaire." The funniest thing is how terrible a judge of character Evan really is.

Do you ever notice how widely different people's opinions can be about movies, restaurants, etc.? Here are my thoughts on how a big would rate a restaurant:

***** = Less than $3 per person or you don't have to pay.
**** = Less than $5 per person, buffet, no time limit.
*** = $5 - $8 buffet, or all-you-can-eat chips and salsa.
** = $5 - $8 buffet, seats may break.
* = Not a buffet

Trash TV Thoughts: Did anyone catch episode 3 of Joe Millionaire last night? Evan's commentaries are the best! Before his date with Melissa he told the camera "I am glad our date was to cook dinner together since I was really hungry." I can't believe we get to watch this for free!

Well, tonight "Joe President" is giving the State of the Union Address. I wonder if he will reveal that he is really a moron? "Boy, did I pull the wool over you guys' eyes!"

I am also curious about whether these 2003 Predictions from Wireless Week will pan out.

Here is another article about mobile phones changing the concept of society Anthropoloyg It seems like this guy has already changed Internet Cowboy

And now some interesting news items. Yahoo! News - Man Beating Dog With Gun Shoots Himself

And in case you needed a reminder of just how twisted people can be CNN.com - Toddler found chained by neck - Jan. 27, 2003

Jokes of the day:
"A Harvard Medical School Study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss." -----Tina Fey

"My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?" ----Jay Leno

Can somebody tell me what the difference is between a family reunion and a family get-together? To me, a re-union is when you have a union...and it breaks apart over time (in accordance with the 2nd law of thermodynamics) and then someone instigates the "re-unification." Germany, for example. First it was a bunch of kingdoms, and then Kaiser Wilhelm unified them which led to the 3rd Reich. After the Allies defeated it we broke it into two Germanies until the world allowed them to re-unify. I wonder if that nitwit Hitler thought of the Third Reich as one big happy family?

Anti-Americanism seems to be on the rise in Kuwait. I was there in 1993 when it was pretty safe because of the post-liberation American appreciation. I think I drove on some of the roads around Camp Doha on the weekends (I worked on the other side of the city.) This is a real shame and I hope the overwhelming majority of Kuwaitis still appreciate what we did for them.CNN.com - American shot to death in Kuwait - Jan. 21, 2003

This is a good place for those wondering why we need to attack Iraq right this minute!A Decade of Defiance and Deception

I think this is from an Op-Ed I read on Sunday (by George Will or Maureen Dowd): "I'd trust Bush with my daughter but Clinton with my job."

Hey, is that team of midgets going to try and tow something lighter that a DC-10 this week? I wish I had a team of midgets I could haul around the country having them try to tow stuff for money.

I think we all have certain phrases that capture the essence of our existence. For example, Spider-Man's is "With great power comes great responsibility."

I've been trying to summarize mine but all I've got so far is "Soda makes me gassy."

I hope that my last words are something really cool. I have this fear I am going to say something really profound, but then follow it up with something really stupid, especially if I am delirious from my pain medication.

"Now come close precious children. Remember, people won't remember the yearly things you do at Christmas. But they'll remember the Christmas things you do all year."

"Why Grandpa, that is beautiful!"

"Hey, I told you morons not to let that cat in here! Ack!"

While listening to an NPR story about the import auto manufacturing industry revitalizing lower Alabama, I realized an irony. Foreign cars (Nissan, Hyundai, Toyota) are now being assembled by people who, traditionally, would adamantly refuse to by one. I wonder if anyone has ever surveyed the employee parking lots to count up the number of rebel flag bumper stickers.

Stress is riding in the passenger seat of a car being driven by a reluctant partial-vegetarian in search of an all-night chicken shack while listening repeatedly to the soundtrack of the Indian version of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

The weather here is great! But now it's getting a little dry. It's so dry that today when I was walking through Central Park I saw a squirrel rubbing moisturizer on its nuts.
-----David Letterman, Joke of the Day Calendar

My descent into hell continues. I watched the re-run of the first two episodes of "Joe Millionaire" last night.

It snowed 7.5 inches in DT Nashville yesterday. Everything ground to a halt. It was amateur hour at its finest.

Last night I dreamed I was out searching for a cell site tower in GA. I scaled a rock wall next to the highway (the fat people with me were amazed) but ended up in the middle of a US Army civilian live-fire training exercise. I tried to stick to the ground and not get shot. I think eventually someone saw me and ceased-fire. I forgot all about finding that cell tower.

I was afraid this would happen. I avoided all reality shows for a couple years beginning with the intelligence-insulting "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and the "Survivor" series. I was so proud of my supposed "integrity" for not allowing myself to be caught up in all the reality-TV excitement. Then I caught a few minutes of the second "The Bachelor" at a friend's house and had to admit it was intriguing. Unfortunately, FOX continued to wear down my resistance with commercials for it's upcoming "joe Millionaire." My desire to see some gold-digging women get their comeuppance was too great. I caught various portions of "Joe" and now find myself hooked. I even tuned in to the final 15 minutes of "The Bachelorette" last night. All I have to say is I am so relieved Trista did not choose that jerk Rodeo-rider guy, Brook. What a complete Tool.

I just watched a 132 lb Japanese man challenge a 1089 lb Grizzly bear to a hotdog eating contest. The bear won easily. Next a team of 44 midgets are going to try and tow a DC-10 faster than an elephant.

I am so ashamed of myself.

"She is kind of uptight but she's hot so I'm going for it." ......Joe Millionaire, on his rationale for choosing one of his final five bachelorettes.

As writtern on "The Pyramid of Learning" blog, I can't wait for the final episode of Joe Millionaire where we find out if Evan is really "mentally challenged."

The other night I dreamed I was reading a black and white manuscript. I don't know what it was about but I think one of the sections was a guide to weightlifting. It had pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger demonstrating various weightlifting exercises. However, each picture was set in the middle of a bombed out city (like Berlin circa 1945.) At one point I believe I was forced to eat some of the paper, which became lodged in my throat and almost made me stop breathing.

I never have any cool dreams.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing. ------Chris Rock

Another bad thing about this whole "hunt for Osama Bin Laden" is that our authorities are now hugely distracted from the "Hunt for Sasquatch."

I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of hearing the media continuously bash those fine pillars of the community, the psychics!

CNN.com - Police may have found body in missing woman case - Jan. 10, 2003 "At a Thursday afternoon news conference, police said that despite more than 2,600 calls to a police tip line -- including 300 from psychics -- authorities have no significant leads in the Christmas Eve disappearance of the 27-year-old woman, whose child, a boy, is due February 10."

That reminds me of a Steven Wright (or George Carlin) joke: "Here's a headline you never see...'PSYCHIC WINS LOTTERY!'"

Last night was the best COPS show I have ever seen in my entire life...and I've seen a lot of COPS over the last ten or so years. I could not look away from the hyperactive, leopard-print leotard wearing, blond wig toting, 18 wheeler driver whose wallet was stolen screaming and berating the police. I don't know what the weirdest part of it all was, but the fact that he didn't seem to need to explain his outfit or his circumstances, and the cops didn't ask, was priceless.

When did James Garner start to look so horrible? They've started showing the "Rockford Files" on my hotel TV at night. I've only watched the opening sequences (Jim driving around a lot in his Camaro, posing near the corners of buildings with his Camaro, modeling his aviator sunglasses in his Camaro, driving around more in his Camaro, leaning against his Camaro, etc.) He looked like a vitalic stud! Lately though he looks like he's falling apart! What happened? I know 30 years is a long time but come on!

This is pretty heady stuff. I recently realized that there is a difference between "techies" (those geeks who know how to hook up stuff) and "tech philosophers" (those geeks who analyze and dream of ways technology can change social interaction on a global scale.) For example, check out this article Ouiki Glogs.

By the way, most of these "tech philosophers" also have their own manifesto. Honest ta God.

Someone explained it like this....there are people who read the "USS Enterprise Technical Manual" and there are those who read "I, Robot." Now it makes sense.

I saw a movie where one of the lead characters was named "Michael Bolton" (and he hated being called "Mike Bolton.") Well, I just got off the phone with one of our employees named "Eddie Brickell." I thought that was sort of funny also.

Have we attacked Iraq yet? I think we are only scant days away from the "war to promote peace and goodwill."

Actually, I read an editorial that stated more plainly than President W our reasons for obliterating Saddam's regime. If we allow Saddam to get a nuke or other WMD, he might target the Saudi oil fields. Destroying or crippling the Saudi oil machine would plunge the worldwide economy into chaos. Although our dependence on Gulf region oil is down to about 17%, I think Europe and Japan rely a lot more on it. Thus if Europe and Japan (who are major commerce partners) are in trouble, then our economy will suffer more.

Now why couldn't Dubya just say that? I find it difficult to have to de-code all of that stuff about "axis of evil" and "war for peace." Nobody wants our economy to suffer more so I am sure everyone would support a war to protect our economy. Why can't they just say "We're going to kick him out of power to make sure he never gets cocky enough to blow up them oil fields." I'd be a lot happier.

Happy New Year! The last few weeks have been very busy. Still trying to find my way back to Charlotte permanently. I feel a little like Dorothy, except her quest only took a few days.