Evolutionary History of Liberals and Conservatives

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing! This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girlie-men.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note about liberals: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above and a guilt feeling before simply laughing, denying and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately

Where's the outrage???

Gas prices have finally fallen below $3 a gallon in response to the worldwide demand reduction. Now OPEC ministers want to have an emergency meeting to cut production by 2 million barrels a day. They want the price per barrel to be up around $100. This will allow them to continue building their monuments and edifices to excess.

What have we heard from our politicians? Nothing.

Deja-News

And now from the "Haven't we heard this before files" comes one of today's top stories: "US troops kill No. 2 leader of al-Qaida in Iraq"

How many times have we killed the number two guy in either Iraq or Afghanistan? I guess they reshuffle the deck every time so I'm sure #2 will be killed again in a few months.

I really just have 1 burning question....Why can't we kill #1?

In news from the "It's about time" files, Casey Anthony was finally formally charged with her daughter's murder. What a tragedy all around. First, for little Caylee, who never had a chance. Second, for Casey's parents. I can only imagine the heartbreak at losing first their granddaughter and now their daughter. It's maddening to hear Casey's attorney predict vindication and all that but I guess that's his job. If only he could persuade Casey to finally tell the truth.

Her is his exact prediction for the trial's outcome. Let's see in about a year how prescient he was. By that time the publicity from this trial will have catapaulted him to celebrity status.

"I sincerely believe that when we have finally spoken, everyone, and I mean everyone, will sit back and say, 'Now, I understand. That explains it,'" Anthony's attorney, Jose Baez, said Tuesday as he stood next to his client before the indictment was issued.

Now if only they could get that other smug, cold-hearted son of a B, Drew Peterson.

Constructive Activism vs Shouting out the window

Yesterday someone proudly told me how they yelled out the car window at some Pro-Life activists who were marching outside the local Catholic Church. They were proud to shout out their view that "It's a choice!" and told me how stupid the Pro-Lifers are.

First of all, this post is not about my feelings on that particular issue one way or the other. What bothers me is the attitude of the yellers. On the one hand, there were people who had a belief, who chose to hold up signs and try to bring awareness of those beliefs. On the other hand, there are dissenters who spotted them and choose to roll-down their window and hurl insults.

Now the ironic thing is, the person who yelled out the car window is a gay activist. I know that he attends rallys and events where they hold up signs and are jeered by protesters. I guess that's part of the reason he feels duty-bound or obligated to insult pro-lifers or anyone else who doesn't support his agenda.

I am not saying I agree with the pro-lifers completely. But I empathize with their passion. To them, life begins at conception and they are opposed to abortion because they, in their hearts, believe that someone has to fight for the rights of that (potential) baby. We can argue about blastocysts, embryos, viability, etc. but that is an enormous issue and not the point of this post. How can you fault them for having a belief and having the guts to stand on a street corner and support that belief? They have just as much right as you do to stand with a sign that reads "legalize gay marriage" or something to that effect.

Anyway, the whole subject bothered me for the rest of the day. It seems to me that if you are truly passionate about a subject, you should learn the other side's argument and beliefs as much as you know your own. You should address the root of the problem by writing letters to the editor or going to meet with the people who you disagree with. My point is there are much more constructive ways of being an activist than yelling insults out of a car window.

IRON MAN DVD

Link to the Candidates!

A couple of weeks ago I got LinkedIn to John McCain. Yesterday Sarah Palin accepted my request to link. This just seems so funny. The whole point of LinkedIn is to expand your network for mostly business reasons. By linking to people you know, you can find out who they also know and therefore share opportunities and other stuff.

Now all of the candidates are using it as another place to post their platforms. I guess it was inevitable, what with the advent of the Web 2.0. and social networking. It still seems kind of weird though.

Interestingly, I can't link to Barack Obama, Hillary/Billary, and Biden. Apparently I need to know their email addresses...which I don't. Is this some kind of commentary on their willingness to connect with me, the "common man?" Do I need to be an elite who knows their email address?

Ah, who cares! I can't wait until all this political theater is over! My portfolio is dropping every day!

Letter to my Senators (Richard Burr and Elizabeth Dole)

Message sent to the following recipients:

Eric Banks
Charlotte, NC 28211-2905

September 25, 2008

Dear Senator Burr and Senator Dole,

Senators,

Our country is at a crossroads. We are at the mercy of OPEC member nations at a time when our very economy needs a shot-in-the-arm. I urge you to do everything in your power to stabilize the world oil market in the short-term while, in parallel, supporting the long-term solution, energy independence.

America has always been the beacon of hope for the world. Our world not only needs new energy alternatives to keep the engine of industry going in the short-term, but to power the world economy for the next two hundred years.

American innovation can lead the world down this path.

First, I would like to see short-term solutions such as offshore drilling and greater use of clean-coal, put into place immediately. We are the Saudi Arabia of coal!

Second, I would like to see more tax revenue diverted towards education, specifically towards alternative energy research and development. Make this a strategic goal for America for this generation! This should be an effort akin to the Industrial Revolution, which shot America to prominence in the world economy.

Third, more needs to be done to commercialize alternative technologies.
Duke Power is leading efforts to commercialize solar farms in NC but that is just the beginning. Tax breaks for commercial alternative energy companies are one idea. Subsidizing homeowners to help them get off the grid is another.

I am no expert, but believe we can do more right now to move us away from being at the mercy of OPEC member nations.

Please help to make this a strategic goal to keep our country first in the world for the next several generations.

Sincerely,