I fell off the exercise wagon because of stress. Which is ironic because giving up exercise is giving in to stress. I know from experience that exercise is medicine, or therapy. It is a fact that exercise produces endorphins which are natural mood boosters.
But I let my stressors, mainly centered around job loss and the resulting severe financial pressure, get the best of me. I wanted to spend every waking moment focused on fixing my situation, sending out resumes, reaching out to everyone for advice, and searching for a solution to my problems. I felt that exercise was frivolous and self-indulgent, though I knew deep inside that it was not. My depression only grew worse as I blew off workout after workout.
I still struggle with the depression. Every day is a roller coaster ride of emotions as new doors open and then close in my face. It is so hard not to take every rejection, every unreturned email or phone call personally. I've also started to get angry at my friends for not recognizing how miserable I am and not offering to help. You read about suicides every day and everyone always says afterward..."If only I knew what he was going through." (Note: I don't think I'm suicidal, but if you think you are, please call a professional immediately!)
The point is, that today, I made the DECISION to not let my situation get any worse. I went on a run...and it was hard after a 2 week layoff. But I didn't stop until I'd run two miles...then I walked a 3rd. It was a struggle to get through the first mile, and I lost form during the second mile, but I felt reborn at the end.
Maybe getting back on my exercise routine will do more than band-aid my symptoms. Perhaps it will be the basis of my resurgence, and the foundation of my mental recovery. I hope so.
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